Valid for the classroom, valid for the home!

Welcome back! Your child has been horrible!

Have you ever been welcomed by complaints on incidents upon which you have no possible power?

There are times when a parent who picks up her child at school is greeted by such interjections. Chances are this parent had a rough day too, maybe something to put in perspective when considering why the child has been acting up especially on that day.

In most cases, the parent grabs the child by the hand, forgetting that this was probably the moment for which the child had waited impatiently all day long, mumbles to the teacher and marches on to the car. Some angry minutes later, the pair enter home and Mum spills the news to an equally tired husband, only for she does not have all the elements and gets upset when the father rationally expects and asks for more details.

The evening is ruined, the bed routine is slapped on the child, because, let’s face it, it is all his fault, or the teacher’s fault, which amounts to the same as far as the hug good-night is concerned.

This carries on to the next morning, with a tired Mum dropping off the said child at school, either avoiding the teacher, or snapping at her.

The nightmare goes on. Chances are great that the child will act up again, pushed by all kinds of negative emotions that he cannot express, and Mum will get yet another dose of “horrible”… “fighting”… “naughty” and the like.

Teachers have a duty to ease the day of anyone in their care. They often compare their actions with parents’ and they should not, for they are not in the same position. They get paid to do the job and parents give their child everything they have with no guaranty that it will pay off at one point or another.

Teachers have an amazing chance to see the big picture, because their vision is not clouded by emotions and needs. So, why is it that they find sympathizing so difficult to do? Is it a matter of training?

I don’t think so, on a personal side, I feel it is more a matter of humility and looking at the world with the willingness to come out from under the banana leaf. As far as the professional side is concerned, it is necessary for teachers to distance themselves from the emotions and negativity and look at what impact a behavior has on the individual. Thinking outside of the box in these cases means focusing on what the child can do, did achieve in one day, rather than retaining only the small mishaps of his day. 

Want to make a difference in your kid's life? Try the Chinese granny technique!

In this day and age, my kid measures up to any other kid in his school: he has access to every bit of technology before I even know how to use it, you name it: computer, Ipad, Android phone, digital notebook... and here comes the toughest for me: at will TV, 3D TV (no, we don't have one!), sound surround, XBox, Wii, Nintendo DS, PSP, etc.

With all that equipment, force is to realize that kids still manage to do exactly the same thing we did when we were kids, and remote controls had not even been invented yet, (let alone day TV, ha-ha!), they get bored, don't know what to do, don't like to write to grand-parents, disagree on what to play and the like... sounds familiar?

Yes, indeed, there is no need to be worried that computers will kill the good old fashioned card hand-writing, because kids don't like emailing more than we liked to write, and they still watch the same Scoobi-Doo with 150 channels to chose from as we did right before heading back to school after lunch.
So, don't let the appearances fool you! Kids might look like they don't care and we bore them to death with our supposed to be cultural-familial-lesson, but they do take notice all the same. They like the old-style ball kicking game and shooting dummies in the back yard, kids are kids, technology or not, when they hit the fields, there is no telling whether they are 21st century prodigies or not.

So, is there hope on the Web for this new generation of lazy Toms and Harrys out there (I actually have a friend called Tom and one called Harry, no pun intended, guys!)? Of course there is!
I am working on a website for kids called "Life's 2 short." Life's too short for what? you might ask. Well, too short for just about anything that takes more than fifteen minutes. Homework, for one, and all kind of adult advise: on girls and boys, friends and foes, etc.
And what about recollections of past stories which parents tell whether there is a need or not? Kids actually love those, it helps them figure out what is going on at the present, by relying on Mum or Dad's old adventures. But who has time for this? Definitely not a pre-teen, who is running after time like a dog chasing a Frisbee. "Wait!" and "Later!" are their joker words for "Leave me alone, but keep talking." You'd better believe it, kids want to hear it, but while they're putting on their shoes or brushing their teeth, so that they won't "waste time," precious minutes of their "à la Tom Sawyer" day.

This is what the web can do for them: give their parents some tools to keep feeding these lessons to them while they are on the go. Have you ever witnessed a Chinese granny feeding her toddler grand-child? The kid is on the move and she is on the move after him, chopsticks balancing the chicken strips and Bai Cai in the one hand, and the bowl of Bai Fan in the other. Man, these people are skilled! This is what we parents must become! So, grab your chopsticks and chase after that kid, chance are you might get some of the chicken strip-knowledge into him before he's out of sight.

In this day and age, my kid measures up to any other kid in his school, and in the world, challenge is: do I?

Is Internet Safe for our Kids?

Well, even though the answer seems obvious, I saw the question pop up on several forums about free website building.
The answer is blunt and simple: NO! The Internet is NOT safe.

So, is it bad? Should I just throw our home computer in the trash?
NO! Internet is not bad and kids should grow up as 21st century kids and enjoy the advantages of the cyber era. But, just like we need to teach them to stay away from drugs and alcohol, we have to make them aware of the risks they might encounter online.

The Internet is like the city center, like a street or a park. Are these places safe for your kid?

At some points during the day, you might feel comfortable letting your child venture alone here or there, maybe with a couple of friends, but what about late at night and with thousands of people aware that your child is alone without supervision?

So, in short, Internet is as safe as the city center at 11PM on a Saturday evening, with hundreds of inebriated strangers staring at your child. Do ?
So, what should parents do? Are parental controls not enough? I used to think so. I used to think it as enough to show a strong hand and take my kid's browsing under my wing. Well, guess what? Just like television, there is no point in "controlling" because there is no way you can control everything your children see on the Internet, because it is everywhere: on their phones, on their friends' phones, at home, and at their friends' home. So, unless you envisage locking your doors and micro-managing your kids' growing-up experience, you need to diversify your plan to protect them from potential hazards.
The first step is certainly to talk -- not to but -- with your child. Talk about Internet, Netiquette, Privacy, Sexuality, Safety, etc. Watch the OnguardOnline video about this topic and get comfortable with what is expected from you as a parent. 

Internet holds all kinds of traps for children. Here are some of the popular ones I have experienced. Train your children to recognize the tricks of the trade, and they will continue to apply them as they browse and hopefully teach their friends at the same time. A win-win situation!

Shoot the monkey and win an Iphone

Have you ever seen this kind of banners? The monkey is escaping, and Oh! He is back! Shoot me! Shoot me! Hurry, or I'll disappear again! When you place the cursor on the monkey, it changes into a banana or a target icon. Parents fail to realize how tempting this is for kids (and I have seen adults clicking on the monkey also!).
Once the click has happened, a window pops up and prompts you to enter your mobile phone number, or your email address.
This is when you are happily chatting with a friend and your kid comes running in "What's your email address again?"
How to control what happens next? The monkey seemed fairly innocent to begin with! Now you get all kinds of spam, enticing you to enhance your sex life with a larger penis, or bigger breasts, meet Svetlana from Russia who is "hot for you my darling." This is still ok, because it is on your email address. If your child has given away his email address, can you picture the next episodes?

I once gave my phone number in one of these mishaps. I recall a succession of "urgent... Iphone... free... please... mobile number... pliiiiiiize.." and for the next ten days, I spent over 90$ in phone credit and several angry moments talking to the phone company and trying to block the paying pornographic sms/mms I was receiving two times per day. And again, this was my phone number. Imagine if it had been my kid's phone number!

These were useful lessons. And lessons learned, I spent the necessary time going through websites with my son, showing him what to focus on, ignore banners, ignore any explicit photo. I showed him what could happen if he failed to take my word for it: pop-up windows, all kinds of pornographic content in the background, shame, shame! He got it. He still sees the exciting banners on the side menus, but he knows better than to click on them.

Online games and chats

You have certainly read about the Game Over Operation. If not, read this NY Post short article. Cross checking police records and online profiles, online games companies have ousted 3,500 sex offenders in New York only. Unbelievable!

You might wonder how a sex offender can be a potential threat for your child, one that can lead to a disaster. Well, you might be far away from New York (unless you actually live there!) and it is hard to imagine a sex offender influencing our kid's life while he is under the protection of the familial roof.

According to police investigations, the predators chat with kids through several channels (online game chats, public chat rooms etc.). Once he has identified his potential victim, a given predator will very quickly mention sex, or share sexually explicit material (photos for example) and if a kid is even mildly interested, or does not immediately dismiss the conversation, the offender will try and lure the youngsters into a personal meeting. Disaster!
The good news is that, usually, if the kid is not interested, the predator gives up quickly and moves on to the next prey.

So, in order to protect your child from getting caught into a sex offender's net, you have to:
 - Be clear on your expectations, i.e. no chatting online without supervision and explain what the risks are. Sadly there are plenty of examples in the news to back up your lesson.
 - Talk about sex with your growing children (pre-teens or teens) so that they feel comfortable to share with you, and do not seek attention elsewhere to get answers to their questions, or reassurance on their worries.
 - Write up a "Chart for Internet Usage" together and pin it beside the computer.
 - Check their mobile phone, look for messages from people you don't know. Ask questions, show your children that you are in charge and watching over them. Explain why unknown people should never try and contact them.
 - And of course, regularly check the browser history and the recently downloaded items for pornographic material.

Never blame the children

It is NEVER the children's fault if they fall prey to sex offenders. If kids have been lured into seeing sexually explicit material, they should not be blamed for that. The adults are supposed to be in charge of their actions and are held responsible on any account of misbehavior.
Children need to be educated and protected against all possible offenders.

There are many websites with details on how to deal with this. Here are a couple of them: 

 - Internet Family Fun
 - FBI website
 - Cyber Safe Family

Teach the Little Buggers to Count

My education was quite simple. As far as money was concerned, I followed the parental motto: "Don't spend any!"
We took a shower once a week with the light off, we could not read in bed because it meant a light would keep "burning." When we needed new pencils and notebooks for school, it was a hard battle with Mum and we always got the cheapest ones. All through my secondary school years, I walked on 5 Francs sport shoes, which resulted in a nasty foot wart that I still carry around as a reminder of yesteryear.

Nowadays, thank Goodness, things have changed and money is not so scarce as it used to be. Granted, it is also easier to spend it, what with all the gadgets available, not to mention the competition between kids to get the latest toys, the newest fashion shirt and the most aired sport shoes.

As soon as I was old enough to complain about money being too little, my parents put me to work. Not much at first. I was to do chores around the house. Then, slowly, it became a give/give agreement. If they were to give me something, I was to give my time. Hence, going to school after I turned 11 was a treat, and I had to work on week-ends and holidays to show them it was worth their while.
They had their own business so -- please don't scream "Kids' Labor" all over the Internet (I should be so lucky!)-- I had to help out if I wanted to remain a school kid.

Nowadays, if I wanted to put my 10-year old to work, I probably would get arrested. So, I won't. But then, how do I teach him about money?
I suppose it is a common fact that parents give their kids pocket money. Around coffee mornings, there is the recurrent question of "How much pocket money is enough or too much?"

I used to give my son 5 Francs per week (which is about 5.50 Dollars). What can a kid do with 5 Francs? Beside the purchase of sweets that no one wants to encourage, if my son was to have any influence on his financial status, he would need to save up one full year of pocket money to be able to pay for an after-school activity or buy his own XBox games. And then, he would have to wait another year before challenging his money handling skills again.

Does that make sense?

We give children pocket money so that they can learn to manage their finances. But unless we want to hear the well-known "money's too few to mention" expression, we need to consider the amount we are "sacrificing" to their education, and the means of educating them.
We commonly oscillate between "don't spend or you'll have nothing left!" and "well, if you want this game, you will have to buy it with your pocket money! which actually correspond to a parent's frustration towards a willingness to see a smile on a child's face and the fear to find an empty purse in the handbag.

Are there any solutions out there?

Dave Ramsey's website is a source of tools for the family. But let's look into the kids' packages

His famous envelope system is adapted for kids with the Junior Adventure Bank. Children learn to split their "income" between the three main posts: Give, Save and Spend.
They need parental guidance in dividing their money, but these "banks" will help them understand that the three options go hand in hand.

The Financial Peace Junior has it all, parent guide, and all kinds of handouts to help your kid manage money.

Because we are talking about kids education and coaching, there are story books geared at explaining the three important posts: "Junior discovers saving", "Junior discovers giving" and "Junior discovers spending," but also tackles work, integrity and debt.

It is vital to teaching kids from a young age about money and financial peace. We might not realize it, but our children, our little "sponges" listen and watch as we struggle with financial issues. They might end up collecting our bad habits, over-worrying, over-spending on pay day, lack of financial planning.

Dave Ramsey's products can help you find the right structure to educate your little one. 

How much pocket money?

I would suggest to start with a "package deal." Propose your children a job around the house. Something manageable with a "salary" attached to it. This way, they get their starting bundle but they also learn that money is not free. With this as a start off, they can then learn to divide their earning between Give, Save and Spend.

I follow the common calculation and give my child an amount that is equivalent to his age. He is now 10 years old, so I give him 10 Francs per week. Each week, he has to divide his money accordingly.

I am confident that he learns to handle his finances. As an added bonus, I also learn to handle mine, as I am becoming his role model in this area of growth. 

Why is Education Important for a Single Mum?

Oh, hey! Well done, you found me! I am so happy about that I could cry. Well, well, I probably cried already today, so I'll jump up and down instead.

The title of the blog says it all. Education is a myth, the one I follow, the one I believe in very strongly. Education is the key to everything, to peace in the world, or at least peace in the home. Young people are the future and if we don't nurture them, we will harvest spoiled crops and we will starve. You want a proof?

 - Two kids throw stones, a baby dies Education could have changed that. Yes, it is a tragic accident, but the same action might have occurred before, what do you think? Just like any other kid who throws a stone, because it is fun, it goes "bang" and they get a reaction. Do you agree with my point?

 - The killings in Norway: unbelievable problem of society and politics and yet, when you scratch the surface, what do you see? An exploded family, a difficult childhood, as a sum up, a tragedy of education.

 - The death of 10-year old Myles Neuts, another story of education. The "crime" was supposedly committed by two bullies. Never charged, they never apologized. Education as an onset for these two boys, education as an outcome for Mike, Myles' father, who tours the countries schools to teach kids about bullying.

 - A 12-year old murderer with a mother who gave birth to him when she was 12: no judgment, here, but again the obvious need for education to be constant and respectful.

 - And not to forget Jamie Bulger's killers: unreported by school, unreported by neighbors, who served half their sentence and got out, protected by law. One of them is now back in prison.

OK, I agree with you, most kids who have a lacking education don't end up gunning down people and killing family members, but still, it supports my point that education is vital, not just for criminals but for everyone, because ultimately criminals are people, with a Mum and a Dad and teachers who cared for them through the tenders years of childhood and somehow, it went wrong. 

Now, the alarm comes up when we consider single motherhood. All the "criminals" quoted above grew up in a "broken up" family. So, I ask myself this question: is single motherhood a breeding ground for criminality?
According to the research I have done, it is possible to link single parenting with criminality in all its aspects (violence, chemical substance abuse...), but mostly because of the fact that a single parent (Mum usually) struggles for custody on many occasions, has difficulties to find a permanent job and keep it, has to leave the kid(s) alone at home more than duet parents, and basically lives under the threshold of poverty.

All my blogs on Blogger aim at helping Mums who find themselves in that situation: alone with the kids. In this case, education (academics, school) is an issue, but money and parenting too.
I hope this helps.